FAMILY TIES

  

“The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving , laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.” ~ Erma Bombeck 

After stumbling upon this quote several years ago, it made me wonder what was the common thread that bound the Kirk family together.  The most obvious answer was my parents.  After all, they were the hub of every aspect of our lives.  But, they didn’t seem like threads— instead the knot that held all the strands together.  So, if not my parents, what was it?

My answer came the day I converted our old VHS tapes over to DVDs. Several years ago, I learned that VHS tapes were known to deteriorate in time and decided I needed to preserve our family memories. After the Thanksgiving festivities were over, I began the daunting task of converting all the tapes to DVD. First organizing them by year, I began with our first video recorded back in 1988.  I popped the black cartridge in, pushed both the play and record button and sat back to watch.  Laura had a broken wrist, Greg was missing two front teeth and Andrew was but a glimmer of the future. At that moment, I realized that this was not going to be a daunting task at all-- instead a labor of love and wonderful treat! With the viewing of each tape, memories of times gone by were relived and my flood of emotions were many and varied.  Joy. Sadness. Humor.  Worry.   Love. The footage was fun to watch, but at times it would trigger a memory of events that weren't always happy.   For example, watching Andrew’s birth tape brought a euphoric joy of his birth, but also rekindled my worries due to complications of my pregnancy. Rabies vaccines.  A car accident with a dump truck.  The true knot in his cord.  All stressful and scary.   And then came the tape of my brother Paul’s wedding was so beautiful to watch, but again brought a sadness that my Mom was in the hospital and could not attend.

As I sifted through each tape, inevitably they all ended with our Christmas memories in Pittsburgh each year.  Interestingly, I noticed there was a pattern— perhaps some would call it tradition.  From the Lehigh Valley and Florida, the Kirks would all migrate “home”.  First, Christmas Eve, we’d feast like the Whos of Whoville following up with the grab bag exchange that took place.  Gifts were a crap shoot ranging from a Superman throw blanket to a fire extinguisher, but no one ever complained.  After all the gifts were all opened, the sound of sleigh bells could be heard ringing just outside of the living room window along with a deep voiced, HO! HO! HO! sending the Kirk grandchildren into a frenzy of excitement!  Sutter Home flowed.  Eat N Park cookies were munched.  And then after many unsuccessful attempts to get the sugar-hyped grandkids to sleep, Santa would inevitably arrive leaving presents strewn 8 feet across my parents living room floor.  In the early morning, everyone would descend back to Elias Drive to open the gifts Santa left while the stove sizzled with endless bacon, sausage and eggs cooked by Harry and Paul.  This was the Kirk family Christmas tradition!

As the tapes grew in number, so did our family. Every few years a new person would join our ever-growing family either through marriage or birth.  By 1994, the Kirk clan had grown from 2 to 19 with, with still many on the distant horizon.  Seven pregnancies and three misses was something my dad would announce on occasion as if to remind us the four of us, Chrissie, Jimbo, Harry and Paul, that we were NOT misses and meant to be here.  In fact, I believe all of us were chosen by God to be part of this crazy family.  How do I know this? As I watched the tapes, I could see that we would not be the same without them!

In the years to follow, many more would be added to our family roster but sadly, some would leave us.  With the passing of both my parents and brother Jimbo, there seemed to be a void that was impossible to fill and we are left with the message to draw our threads tighter and hold onto those we love.

With the loss of our loved ones, the answer to my question is clear to me.  Our love for one another is the common thread.